I guess I'm just nutz...
She's gone.... for 2 days... around there... back only on monday... Just left like 2 hours ago... And I'm already missing her! wahhaaa.... I think i'm nutz.... help me someone! 2 long days.... Sunday, Monday... She'll only be back Monday afternoon....
Anyway, more detailed recap of our last quarrel.... 28th Feb...
We were studying at Perk Point, and I was using her comp, on MSN... Saw yenjun online, and Pearl was in a v.playful mood... so she impersonated me, and told yj I missed her.... It went on for a while, and yj replied that she missed me too.... -_"-... I told Pearl that she had to tell yj that it was her, not me... I didn't want to cause anyone a heart break, especially considering yj's character, the quiet type... I basically didn't want to bring anyone's hope up, just to smash it... damn painful....
So, when Pearl logged off without telling yj that it was her, and not me, I drew the line there... grabbed the comp, and told yj that I was Pearl... I didn't expect that this would cause a huge problem later...
Pearl felt that she was abandoned, that I cared for yj more than I did for her... I didn't expect that she would feel this way... In this aspect I'm not sensitive enough... I wish I knew then, before it all occured... So, Pearl felt very hurt, and I could see it.... I tried to apologize, and to explain to her, to show her that I cared not for yj, but for her... But I guess she couldn't believe it at that moment... cause my actions earlier proved otherwise... I really didn't realise it until it was over... if I did, I wouldn't have done it... I rather hurt yj, than hurt Pearl... Guess I don't have enough experience in such matters to deal with them correctly...
I accompanied Pearl back home, but throughout, she was angry and hurt... The thing that hurt me the most, was that she wasn't throwing a tantrum, or something... It was that she was trying to act as if nothing happened, as if it didn't concern her... as if she wasn't affected... And giving me the cold shoulder -- apathy... This is when I realised that being ignored, is so much more painful than being scolded, being beaten... Its like a kris, a stab, then a twist...
I called her at night, and she still was very cold towards me... talked till 4am, but couldn't do anything... Was supposed to meet the next day morning before going for the SW visit, but she decided not to meet in the end due to this...
1st March...
Had a very disrupted sleep, till around 9am, when the first thing I did when I woke was to call her, to see if she was still angry.... She still was... was still very cold to me... At around 11am or so, I smsed her:
"I get the feeling you don't ever want to see me again... Is that true?"
Cause when I asked her to go together to SW visit, she said she'll meet me there... She replied, asking me to come over to her place, as her da ge will fetch us there... So I went, and throughout the journey, I know she was trying to be friendly... but after experiencing last night and today morning of cold shoulder treatment, my mood just couldn't change so quickly... there was a lot of tension between the two of us... Even during the SW visit itself, I didn't even ask a single question, all the time thinking about this issue... A lot a lot of tension...
After the thing, I told her I'm sorry that I'm like that, but I can't change my mood so quickly... She told me that she already said sorry, and if I'm still like that, then let it be... That's when I realise that she stlil thought I was angry with her for that issue... I wasn't at all... it was nowhere even near my mind... I would have, at that spot, told yj i loved her, then immediately that i hate her, to smash her feelings into bits, just to make Pearl happy.... I told Pearl then that I wasn't angry at her at all for that incident... its just the cold shoulder treatment she gave me that caused me to be in this mood... I could see her mood change too then... and finally, after 1 day of tension, we got back together.... Any later, and I might have died already...
As for the rest of the day, I spent it at Pearl's place studying... act, didn't really study much... haha... just went there to spend time with her... When u are with the person u like, doesn't matter what you are doing... Anyway, after what happened earlier, I didn't even want to study... I just wanted to hold her close, and feel her heartbeat on my chest, to kiss her lips...
Anyway, I left her place after 12 midnight... and missed the last bus... wanted to take a cab, then realised cause I didn't bank in that cheque, I had no money.... so walked home instead... Proven, it takes a little under 1hour and 30mins to walk from my place to hers... fortunately I was wearing shoes, else I would have died of blisters... =)
Anyway, more detailed recap of our last quarrel.... 28th Feb...
We were studying at Perk Point, and I was using her comp, on MSN... Saw yenjun online, and Pearl was in a v.playful mood... so she impersonated me, and told yj I missed her.... It went on for a while, and yj replied that she missed me too.... -_"-... I told Pearl that she had to tell yj that it was her, not me... I didn't want to cause anyone a heart break, especially considering yj's character, the quiet type... I basically didn't want to bring anyone's hope up, just to smash it... damn painful....
So, when Pearl logged off without telling yj that it was her, and not me, I drew the line there... grabbed the comp, and told yj that I was Pearl... I didn't expect that this would cause a huge problem later...
Pearl felt that she was abandoned, that I cared for yj more than I did for her... I didn't expect that she would feel this way... In this aspect I'm not sensitive enough... I wish I knew then, before it all occured... So, Pearl felt very hurt, and I could see it.... I tried to apologize, and to explain to her, to show her that I cared not for yj, but for her... But I guess she couldn't believe it at that moment... cause my actions earlier proved otherwise... I really didn't realise it until it was over... if I did, I wouldn't have done it... I rather hurt yj, than hurt Pearl... Guess I don't have enough experience in such matters to deal with them correctly...
I accompanied Pearl back home, but throughout, she was angry and hurt... The thing that hurt me the most, was that she wasn't throwing a tantrum, or something... It was that she was trying to act as if nothing happened, as if it didn't concern her... as if she wasn't affected... And giving me the cold shoulder -- apathy... This is when I realised that being ignored, is so much more painful than being scolded, being beaten... Its like a kris, a stab, then a twist...
I called her at night, and she still was very cold towards me... talked till 4am, but couldn't do anything... Was supposed to meet the next day morning before going for the SW visit, but she decided not to meet in the end due to this...
1st March...
Had a very disrupted sleep, till around 9am, when the first thing I did when I woke was to call her, to see if she was still angry.... She still was... was still very cold to me... At around 11am or so, I smsed her:
"I get the feeling you don't ever want to see me again... Is that true?"
Cause when I asked her to go together to SW visit, she said she'll meet me there... She replied, asking me to come over to her place, as her da ge will fetch us there... So I went, and throughout the journey, I know she was trying to be friendly... but after experiencing last night and today morning of cold shoulder treatment, my mood just couldn't change so quickly... there was a lot of tension between the two of us... Even during the SW visit itself, I didn't even ask a single question, all the time thinking about this issue... A lot a lot of tension...
After the thing, I told her I'm sorry that I'm like that, but I can't change my mood so quickly... She told me that she already said sorry, and if I'm still like that, then let it be... That's when I realise that she stlil thought I was angry with her for that issue... I wasn't at all... it was nowhere even near my mind... I would have, at that spot, told yj i loved her, then immediately that i hate her, to smash her feelings into bits, just to make Pearl happy.... I told Pearl then that I wasn't angry at her at all for that incident... its just the cold shoulder treatment she gave me that caused me to be in this mood... I could see her mood change too then... and finally, after 1 day of tension, we got back together.... Any later, and I might have died already...
As for the rest of the day, I spent it at Pearl's place studying... act, didn't really study much... haha... just went there to spend time with her... When u are with the person u like, doesn't matter what you are doing... Anyway, after what happened earlier, I didn't even want to study... I just wanted to hold her close, and feel her heartbeat on my chest, to kiss her lips...
Anyway, I left her place after 12 midnight... and missed the last bus... wanted to take a cab, then realised cause I didn't bank in that cheque, I had no money.... so walked home instead... Proven, it takes a little under 1hour and 30mins to walk from my place to hers... fortunately I was wearing shoes, else I would have died of blisters... =)
posted by - Emptiness - | 12:03 am
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