Why do I keep getting this feeling?

Selfish

Care I how she looks,
Or how well she cooks?
All I want is one,
Who is just like me.

Who feels the way I do,
And shares her deepest thoughts,
For me alone she cares,
Without me she despairs.

Selfish I admit,
But what the hack, dammit!
This is what I am,
Change myself I can't.

Black and dark my soul,
Its nature now unfolds.
But so what if I know,
I'm still the same old crow.


Damn.... Pearl is a nice gal, but the problem is that I'm just an ordinary friend to her, I reckon... If only she wasn't that pretty, I think life would be so much easier for me... Not that I wouldn't like her in that case -- I like who she is -- but that she would appreciate the attention ppl show to her more I reckon... I bet cause she is pretty, there are many other ppl who like her... And as in my poem, I am a damn selfish person I guess, when it comes down to such things... Either have it in totality, or just cast it aside and forget it. That's me. Neither here nor there is the worst...

I guess I feel this way cause while talking to her earlier, she told me about this other guy she knows, and how they actually met.... And I realised, or kinda felt, that she takes on the same attitude towards me as that guy..... wahhhaaa..... and that guy was so obviously interested in her.... i mean, which guy will act as a personal chauffeur for a gal unless he likes her? Ouch. Life's like this.... One sided love.... sux eh.... That's something I don't want at all... if that's the case for me, I rather just forget about her and find someone else, as hard as it may be now, before it gets any harder.....