Break...
21 hours have passed...
It's official... Told her yesterday at 2pm (1st April)... She had a quarrel with sherning, and I almost didn't have the strength to tell her. But in the end, still did it... Without talking to her, it seems so easy to break with her... or so much easier... But once I hear her voice, and can feel her heart, it becomes so much so much harder.... She called up twice at around 2-3pm and basically went nutz... screaming that she doesn't need me and stuff.... It really pains my heart to see her like that... to know that i'm the cause of it all... but it really is necessary... I cannot take it anymore... I've been bearing with this constant torment for the past 3 months... If you consider the time i started liking her, it makes it more like 5 months or 6 months of torment already... It has to end.... this pain.... it's too much...
I called her up to try and calm her down... In the end, managed to... had a calm talk with her on the phone.... but it was very cold.... it is necessary I guess... though really really painful... I really don't want to leave her... I want to hold her in my arms... I want to run my fingers through her hair... I really miss her... Life seems so empty without her... I'm thinking of her all the time....
I forgot what we said, but in the end, said bye to her, and she put down the phone -- she said it's time for her to end the call... I just wanted to make sure that she is alright... Didn't want it to be too hard on her... I know how she feels... damn.... I know it really hurts....
Spent the rest of the day trying to get my mind off her... Doing all sorts of nonsense, from copying poetry, to playing computer games, to watching senseless tv shows, to attempting to do some sorta school work... but throughout, my mind is always wandering to her.... It is so so painful... That's why this time I cannot falter... This process has repeated itself sufficient times... Make this time a clean cut... it will be better for her and me... cause if we don't do this now, we'll have to do it again some other time, and the pain that we have gone through up till now, the few hours, will be all in vain... so I cannot cannot call her...
In the night, at 2 or issit 3 am (2nd April), she missed called me.... I knew I shouldn't reply.... I really know.... But I just couldn't help it.... I called her back, she hung up... I called again, and again, till she finally picked up... had a short talk, told her to go and sleep.... put down the phone... I just felt that something wasn't right... and called her again.... till she picked up... and she asked me whether I heard the song she was playing in the background.... she recited part of the lyrics to me... "you3 yuan2 wu2 fen4".... I know.... That's exactly how I feel.... Why must sherning come into the picture? Sigh... Fate I guess... Fate has a funny way of tormenting us all....
Anyway, I have a very strong feeling that by me leaving her, she'll get together with sherning quite well... cause in a person's lowest moment, that is the best time, and the most effective time, to get close to the person.... now is the time when she can teach her heart how to rely on sherning.... and as a result, start to love him... I might never have a chance with her again... ya.... that's a fact of which I know too well.... but what can I do? It's something that has just got to be done...
I miss her....
It's official... Told her yesterday at 2pm (1st April)... She had a quarrel with sherning, and I almost didn't have the strength to tell her. But in the end, still did it... Without talking to her, it seems so easy to break with her... or so much easier... But once I hear her voice, and can feel her heart, it becomes so much so much harder.... She called up twice at around 2-3pm and basically went nutz... screaming that she doesn't need me and stuff.... It really pains my heart to see her like that... to know that i'm the cause of it all... but it really is necessary... I cannot take it anymore... I've been bearing with this constant torment for the past 3 months... If you consider the time i started liking her, it makes it more like 5 months or 6 months of torment already... It has to end.... this pain.... it's too much...
I called her up to try and calm her down... In the end, managed to... had a calm talk with her on the phone.... but it was very cold.... it is necessary I guess... though really really painful... I really don't want to leave her... I want to hold her in my arms... I want to run my fingers through her hair... I really miss her... Life seems so empty without her... I'm thinking of her all the time....
I forgot what we said, but in the end, said bye to her, and she put down the phone -- she said it's time for her to end the call... I just wanted to make sure that she is alright... Didn't want it to be too hard on her... I know how she feels... damn.... I know it really hurts....
Spent the rest of the day trying to get my mind off her... Doing all sorts of nonsense, from copying poetry, to playing computer games, to watching senseless tv shows, to attempting to do some sorta school work... but throughout, my mind is always wandering to her.... It is so so painful... That's why this time I cannot falter... This process has repeated itself sufficient times... Make this time a clean cut... it will be better for her and me... cause if we don't do this now, we'll have to do it again some other time, and the pain that we have gone through up till now, the few hours, will be all in vain... so I cannot cannot call her...
In the night, at 2 or issit 3 am (2nd April), she missed called me.... I knew I shouldn't reply.... I really know.... But I just couldn't help it.... I called her back, she hung up... I called again, and again, till she finally picked up... had a short talk, told her to go and sleep.... put down the phone... I just felt that something wasn't right... and called her again.... till she picked up... and she asked me whether I heard the song she was playing in the background.... she recited part of the lyrics to me... "you3 yuan2 wu2 fen4".... I know.... That's exactly how I feel.... Why must sherning come into the picture? Sigh... Fate I guess... Fate has a funny way of tormenting us all....
Anyway, I have a very strong feeling that by me leaving her, she'll get together with sherning quite well... cause in a person's lowest moment, that is the best time, and the most effective time, to get close to the person.... now is the time when she can teach her heart how to rely on sherning.... and as a result, start to love him... I might never have a chance with her again... ya.... that's a fact of which I know too well.... but what can I do? It's something that has just got to be done...
I miss her....
posted by - Emptiness - | 12:41 am
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