- The End - by Emptiness

Is it too much to ask for one,
Devotion and love – its not that hard.
But just as sudden as it all begun,
I watched her stray – it tears my heart.

To find myself so useless and weak;
I tried my best – just not enough.
To shield my ears from their passionate shrieks,
And lie to myself – but who can I bluff?

To grant her grace and forgive her sin,
I wear a smile – but bleed inside.
How much more lies can I really spin,
Before I decide – “All that I can, I’ve tried”

2nd Jan 2008

If only she thought of me then...

Rihanna - Unfaithful

Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
'Cause it seems like one
Really loves my company

He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rollin' in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true

And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy
With some other guy
I can see him dyin'

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

I feel it in the air
As I'm doin' my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if im gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know

Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well

'Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy
With some other guy
I can see him dyin'

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

Our love
His trust
I might as well take a gun and put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this
Anymore, ooh ohh, anymore

I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And everytime I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be...
A murderer

A murderer
No, no, no
Yeah, yeah, yeah

James Blunt Goodbye My Lover Lyrics

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won
So I took what's mine by eternal right
Took your soul out into the night
It may be over but it won't stop there
I am here for you if you'd only care
You touched my heart, you touched my soul
You changed my life and all my goals
And love is blind and that I knew when
My heart was blinded by you
I've kissed your lips and held your hand
Shared your dreams and shared your bed
I know you well, I know your smell
I've been addicted to you

[x2]
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I am a dreamer and when I wake
You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take
And as you move on, remember me
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile


I've watched you sleeping for a while
I'd be the father of your child
I'd spend a lifetime with you
I know your fears and you know mine
We've had our doubts but now we're fine
And I love you, I swear that's true
I cannot live without you

[x2]
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

And I still hold your hand in mine
In mine when I'm asleep
And I will bare my soul in time
When I'm kneeling at your feet

[x2]
Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me

I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow
I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow

I hate her

I hate her so much, yet love her so much... Though I am so angry with her, with her crazy and unreasonable behaviour, I get so worried for her... I don't know what I am doing too sometimes... I feel so controlled by her... She really is too much oftentimes...

She wanted to have some stupid surprise for me at the MRT though we said to meet at BK. I was late, due to the tuition, and she threw such a bloody fit of anger... I know she is angry, as would anyone else, so i kept on trying to coax her. But she just doesn't know when to stop. From the MRT all the way to home... And bloody hell, just before reaching the block, she blew up just cause I said that I'll punish myself by eating later for being late earlier. She's bloody crazy. But I still approached her after that before entering the lift. At home, at the dinner table, I was quietly eating, as I was still rather pissed off... Fuck... I don't want to say anymore.

She just wants her way, wants me to do what she wants, wants me to shower her with care and concern though she can just beat me and do whatever she wants... WTF!!! And I feel so controlled as I don't want her to do anything stupid that hurts herself, and I don't want her doing stupid drastic things... Shit... I don't know what to do at times... She fucking hell beats me all the fucking time... I didn't leave all I have to get bitten and beaten by her all the time, while up till date I've never even slapped her or anything even close. And talking about slap, she slapped me again today. Damn. I even bloody kow towed to her... She wanted me to beg her. What a asshole...

After the long interlude

As they say, no news is good news... Though we did quarrel now and then with a severe one at tbp just the day before yesterday, I guess we are going quite alright =) But today serious stuff happened at her side... 22 called her home at midnight and blew up the entire issue bet him and her with all parties at both sides affected... Now her parents know everything that happened bet him and her.... at least he will not be able to use these against her anymore... They will be taking action against him I guess... Really want to be by her side right now to hold her tight.... sigh...

Laopo, I'm here -- by -Emptiness-

When the night wind sings its song,
Shiver not, have no fear.
Haven't you noticed my warm embrace?
Laopo, I am here.

I'll be your shield when you are weak,
And help you when you fall.
I'll guide you through the great unknown,
And stand ready at your call.

Cause dearest are you to my heart and mind,
My spirit and soul you hold.
I really can't tell you this enough,
But Laopo, I love you so.

It's already 3.40 in the morning...
I've been on the phone for hours...
Before we sleep can't you just whisper,
Some sweet nothings into my ear?

Instead, with a huge hammer,
You smash my fragile heart.
How could you be so callous?
I really ain't quite really sure.

I've already tried my best to give,
All that I possibly could.
My sleep, my time, my everything,
All just for you my dear.

But you don't even seem,
To give a damn to what I do,
And you're not even moved that
After all you've done I'm still here?

So why can't you just soften,
Just a little -

And just stop trashing me up
Like how a little girl tears up her
Helpless soft toys in a momentous
Fit of uncontrollable anger?

6th Oct
Did with her the first time today =)

Major Changes

170805 Wed
Had a quarrel with her after school... Went to Clementi bookstore to buy her psychology books... Forgot to help her carry the books... so she got very angry... and somehow or another, the quarrel lead to her talking about the major issue between us... my unwillingness to open up to her... I finally opened up to her that it is due to religion... and if she is willing to come with me... she'll understand, and I then can be totally open to her... We went to her home, and watched vcd together... some show about this scholar who married this gong gu very zai gal... in ancient china (comedy)... After which, we went to shell to buy some stuff before I go home... but along the way back, she asked me how it would be if she didn't accept my religion.... I told her then we sooner or later will have a lot of problems... after hearing that, she was very very very angry and hurt... and at the 19th floor, she told me she wanted to break up... And I said ok... cause I knew this is a major thing that we can't solve, if either is not willing to give way... Cried while doing so... So I took bus back, and along the way, she called up saying that her dad wanted me to come back and settle the issue with them... So i had to get off the bus, and take cab back... There, she was crying like mad, and so was I... In the end, her dad asked me what I was going to do, and I said break up... Left, and met this guy at the bus stop... who shared cab back with me... helped me lessen the hurt feeling.... But I was smsing her while talking to him.... When I got back... called her on the phone and talked to her....

Felt so hurt...
So painful...

180805 Thu
Woke up early in the morning and called her... talking to her.... I really really felt her pain, and didn't want to do this to her... told her to give me some time.... Thought of patching back with her... Smsed Bro Tham... but no reply... he was in thailand... but i didn't know that... in the end, what the hack, after my meal at ayer rajar market (soya sauce chicken noodles), took 51 to meet her at her block... told her I'd leave my religion... to patch back with her.... She first thing went to tell her dad... And her dad asked me to come in... told me if I did something like that again to hurt his daughter, I'm basically screwed... He asked me how I was to prove that I meant what I said... I told him I'd shift house... cause if i stayed with my dad i'll be with my religiion... but if with my mum i'd be a free thinker...

190805 Fri
Shift house

210805 Sun
She bought watch and bracelet for me